i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
