I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
