Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Randomize
