I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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