Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
