I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
