She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
