I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
