god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
