you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
