'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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