god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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