Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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