I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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