Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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