She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can't motorboat a personality
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ttyl tear gas
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
