I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
