What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
