they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
