Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't tell me you're on acid again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
