nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
