The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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