very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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