i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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