I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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