Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
