I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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