Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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