he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
