quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants