we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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