dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
