Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night