We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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