If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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