now i know why i became what i already was.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
