It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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