I didn't shave. On purpose
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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