just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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