His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
