So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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