this beer tastes like vomit already
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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