Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
