The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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