We're like a lot better than the average bears
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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