Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
