we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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