3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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