My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize