She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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