I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize