every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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