He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
