Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
