Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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