That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
