I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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