I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
