I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
