I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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