I love black thongs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
