I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dick very happy bro
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
