I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
