i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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