I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
