my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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