It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She is in my trunk
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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