Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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