it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
is it fun? or sober?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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