areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
