clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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