I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
