3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
