I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
