i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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