dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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