the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
