Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize