new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize