My brain says no but my pants say off.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
